The seminar
by Joshua Kenni
Summary: Join the YaoiManMenSexLoveKingdom Hearts Discussion! Don't be fooled by the one-shot. It's actually quite arousing!


The room is hot, with the smell of thousands of people rushing into your nose. The seat to the left of you is taken up by a young girl, busy chatting away on her cell phone. It's a bit faint, but you can hear little snippets of her conversation. "So, in the next scene…and you know she's out of the picture…what? He's how hard?!...yeah, men love that kind of thing!...you mean, 'what kind of thing? I'm talking about pen-…LOL YEAH!"

Losing interest in the conversation, you turn your view in the opposite direction, and you find yourself looking into the eyes of a teenage boy. His hair is tussled and he's wearing a long black trench coat. He seems to be totally engulfed in the anime book he'd brought, so you decide not to attempt conversation with him.

You look down at the program in front of you, rubbing your hand along its surface. Soon, the speaker would emerge, and all the people in the auditorium will settle down. Until then, however, you have to stay seated and listen to the endless droning of a thousand teenage girls babbling on about their most recent plot developments and character charts.

A woman approaches the stage…all around you, the chatter stops and polite applause echoes throughout the room. After adjusting the microphone, she to speak softly.

"Ladies and gentlemen, girls and girls, I'd like to welcome you all to the discussion. Our speaker tonight has been well versed on our topic for several years, and has recently been the author sexually explicit books entitled, "^___^ r/r" and "and he brot him to orgasm: a guide to the void". So, without further ado, please welcome our speaker, xYaNgLeSzxGiRl3!"

The silence in the room erupts into a full out explosion of sound and energy. Thousands of teenagers jump from their seats in a fit of excitement, screeching at the top of their lungs. Many others holler, shout, and applaud loudly. The noise seems never-ending.

Out from the curtain, however, a young man emerges. The noise seems to end instantly. The yellow haired man begins to move his way towards the podium, carrying a bottle of water. A small murmur begins around the crowd. They had always thought that xYaNgLeSzxGiRl3…was a girl.

The man stops at the podium, removed the cap from his water, and begins to gulp water. It doesn't take more than a few seconds before the plastic container is empty. He scowls, looks down at the crowd, and throws it hard at a young woman in the first aisle. You hear her startled cry as it bounces off her head. The crowd around you gasps. He begins to speak.

"I'm sure many of you here came to listen to xYaNg-whateva talk about her works. Well, it's not going to happen. She's detained for the moment and asked me to speak for her. It was a bad choice for her, much like it's a bad choice for any of you to be here right now. Because despite the fact I know that you know where I'm going with this, you're all stuck to your seats, staring at me while I start to talk badly about your beliefs.

"Why do you do it? Are you like cattle, following the crowd? Or are you the patriot, too loyal to your cause to leave now? Or are you mesmerized, like a car wreck, at the mystery and carnage that is approaching? I guess only time will tell."

Several people begin to leave in a huff. The girl to the left of you isn't speaking anymore…she seems to be stuck in a trance at the sound of the speakers voice. The lad to your right rushed out of the auditorium in a fit of anger, promising to write something disparaging later. You turn your attention back to the man onstage.

"Despite my loathing of you all, we do have one thing in common: Our love for Kingdom Hearts. This is my discussion for the night. Can someone hit the lights please?"

On the screen, a large wall sized picture of Sora appeared.

"Here, you can see Sora." He clicked a button in his hand, replacing the picture with one of Riku. "Here, you can see a picture of Riku. Here is where we begin lesson one. First of all, these two lads live smack dab on an island, with no convenient source to buy groceries. Thus, there are no condoms, no gels, and no lubes. In case some of you in this audience are unaware about anal intercourse, it really isn't quite as heavenly as you might think. 

"For example, the average size of a mans manhood is not exactly compatibly with the average size of a younger, and smaller, mans anal entry. Thus, when entering another males "warmth", the younger and smaller male will experience a great deal of pain, not exactly the blissful entrance into heaven you girls are writing about. This is especially true of anal virgins." He clicks the button in his hand, changing the photograph to Sora in a hammock, Riku entering him from behind.

"In case you girls haven't been listening, THE SMILE ON SORA'S FACE IS PHOTOSHOPPED. That should be enough on lesson 1. Let's move on." The speaker clicks the button, and a picture of Kairi appears on the screen. Around the room, the sound of hissing can be heard. The speaker smiles.

"Yes, yes, I know you all hate her. However, lesson two entails that Kairi is equipped with a special magic button that is strong enough for Riku, but MADE for Sora. This is best described by, well, the ending of the game. Therefore, the most appropriate pairing on the island would be Sora…and Kairi. Riku is, as they define it, a villan for most of the game. Nine-tenths of the time, if a villain doesn't already have a companion before the game starts, he's not going to end up ever getting one."

You can hear murmurs of annoyance throughout the crowd. The man continues on.

"Now, to my final point. See this picture?" He clicks the button, and the image changes to that of the cave drawing on Destiny Islands…the one with Sora and Kairi together. He points up to the picture with an angry look appearing on his face."DID YOU ALL FORGET ABOUT THIS PART?"

The man scowls, bows sarcastically, and spits on the ground, walking out in a rush. The auditorium erupts in a fit of anger. All around him, the patrons of the seminar pull flamethrowers out of their sacks and run after the speaker, yelling that they knew why things happened the way they were happening. 

"IT'S THEIR DESTINY"

"THEY'RE BOTH BISHEE"

"I LOVE SORA LOL KEKE AND RIKU 2"

"I GOING FLAM U"

You, having nothing else to do, run after him too…just in time to see him jumping into his batmobile and blasting off into orbit. As he vanished into the night, a message was written into the sky via smoke:

"GOD LOVES ME"

the end.


End file.
